Readings:
Isaiah 49:1-6: Psalm 71: John 13:21-33, 36-38

Simon Peter said, ‘Lord, where are you going?’ Jesus replied, ‘Where l am going you cannot follow me now; you will follow me later.’ Peter said to him, ‘Why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.’ ‘Lay down your life for me?’ answered Jesus. ‘I tell you must solemnly, before the cock crows you will have disowned me three times.‘
John 13:36-38

We read the Scriptures about God’s dealing with Israel in the past, in order to recognize God at work in our present circumstances. In the Gospel accounts of the Passion, we see how God, in Jesus, enters into human suffering, disillusionment, betrayal and death. There is no depth of human suffering where God is not present. We cannot enter into the sufferings of Jesus unless we enter into our own experience of pain and suffering, for we meet him, not in his suffering of two thousand years ago, but in the pain of our own lives.

Both today’s and tomorrow’s Gospel readings describe the betrayal of Judas, but today’s also includes Peter’s, so we shall leave reflection on Judas’ betrayal until tomorrow.

When Peter says, ‘I will lay down my life for you’, he is being totally sincere. When Jesus replied, ‘I tell you most solemnly, before the cock crows you will have disowned me three times’, it must have devastated Peter, because his own conscious mind was so full of loyalty that he could not accept the possibility of his ever denying Jesus.

‘The Word of God is like a two-edged sword: it pierces between the bone and the marrow’ (Hebrews 4:12). We can look at Peter’s denial as an event which happened to Peter two thousand years ago, a regrettable event at the time, but with a happy ending for Peter and for us, for it tells us of the possibility of forgiveness, even if we were to fail like Peter. While these thoughts are going on in us, a little voice inside is assuring us that we would never be capable of failing as Peter failed. If we hear such a little voice, we need to pray for enlightenment in order to know its falsity, for we are no better than Peter, probably a deal great worse.

In contemplating the passage imaginatively, without forcing anything, we pray to be taken into the event, hearing the words of Jesus spoken to us. In response to Peter’s sincere profession of loyalty, it is as though Jesus replies: ‘Don’t make pompous assertions about laying down your life. You haven’t enough hold on your own life to lay it down for anyone. If you were to try to take hold of it, it would run through your hands like sand. In fact, you are a non-person.’ Can we think of anything more devastating than to hear these words spoken to us by Jesus in response to our ‘I want to know, love and serve you?’ Could he say anything more cruel and destructive?

It is only relatively recently that the books of the Bible have been broken up into chapters. The final words of today’s Gospel are the final words of John 13. But John 14 begins with Jesus’ further comment, ‘Trust in God still and trust in me.’ John never puts sentences together at random: each is carefully and purposively placed. The devastating comments to Peter, and to ourselves, can plunge us into the depths of despair, but the verse which follows reveals the deeper truth of things. The despair we have felt is based an a false assumption, namely that the truth about me rests in myself, my own integrity, strength of character, reliability. What Jesus reveals, and it is the revelation of the whole Bible, is that God, not myself, is my rock, refuge and strength, my light and my salvation: there is no other.

God is always greater, greater than my sins and defects. For those who suller a from a sense of lingering guilt, whether for specific sins or from a general sense of unidentifiable guilt, or from scruples or a sense of worthlessness, it is good to acknowledge the guilt feelings and then hear these words spoken to you, ‘Trust in God still, and trust in me.’

God is in every situation, even the most desperate, leading us, as he led Peter, to a knowledge of of our our true selves, a self which can only find itself when in loses itself in his self. ‘Unless you lose your life, you cannot find it’ (Luke 9.24).

Prayer
O God, give me the courage to listen and reflect on my fears, doubts and uncertainties, and the grace to hear you say to my soul. “Don’t be afraid, for I am always with you, your rock, refuge and strength We ask you this through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Amen.